Come on, you know you’d Google that.
I love marketing. Marketing gives you circumstantial evidence that people really are as dumb as you think they are. I especially love online marketing, because online marketing gives you ironclad proof.
One version of marketing involves “keywords,” or words and phrases people search for most often on the InterWeb. Smart marketers look to these keywords to shape their marketing message as a way of drawing in these masses of people using relevant keywords.
So, for instance, if you run a barbecue restaurant, you’d want to get your message to people who are typing in phrases like “kentucky’s best barbecue.” Make sense?
Yeah, well there many ways to find out what people are searching for, but my favorite recent one is MikesMarketingTools.com . This “Mike” person tracks and collects the most-searched keywords for the last 365 days, as well as the last 48 hours.
There are some you would absolutely expect in the 365 days list, such as “Amazon” (I assume that refers to the online department store, and not a really tall chick with a spear), “Kim Kardashian,” “white pages,” “Lindsay Lohan” and “CNN.” But there are others you would not really expect. Like “Oops.” Yeah, “Oops” is actually in the Top 50.
Here are some of my favorites that people have regularly searched over the past year:
“nudism”
“dog”
“nudismlifefamily” (The hell?)
“dogpile.com” (I don’t even want to know)
“rednek wine glass”
“Japanese beauties”
“cuckold”
“kaley cuoco” (I thought I Googled that enough for everyone)
“Gallagher heart attack” (how is this guy still a celebrity?)
“man” (Seems a bit vague, but whatever …)
“tax deadline” (OK, for the last time, people: it’s April 15th.)
But some of the most-searched key phrases for the past 48 hours are even funnier:
“break ground” together with “square feet”
“Motherless” (the fuh?)
“egotastic” (that’s the name of my next band!)
“elephant tube”
“dogpile.com” (still don’t want to know)
“youporon” (I’m guessing this is a thinly veiled site for homemade porn videos)
“anne hathaway” (yeah, that was mostly me)
“wanktube” (Brett Favre’s personal video site?)
“breasts” (just search what’s on your mind, pal)
“xhamsters” (please let this be a rodent crime-fighting force)
“you por n” (see “youporon”)
“youjizz”
OK, I’m done; in fact, “youjizz” may have gone too far. But, really, thanks for the “marketing” tool, Mike. I believe the only thing I truly learned is that the market for homemade porn is too competitive to bother with. Guess I’ll have to re-think my retirement plan.
Maybe I’ll start a company that turns dead cats into helicopters instead …
Brain Farts Online 